I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
