good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
