Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
