I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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