Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
