drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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