Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
