I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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