do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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