Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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