So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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