Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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