found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
