U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
