That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
