An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
