Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'd cum for enchiladas.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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