i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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