Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's official drugs can't kill me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
