My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
