im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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