Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
