I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
