Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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