Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
