I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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