the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
