are you still at the devil's house?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You left your phone here
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