the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
