you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
