About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're like the curious george of whores
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize