so explain again why im purple
no
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
