dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
