Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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