So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
