Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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