Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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