I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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