Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
