y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
