I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
