What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
