yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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