he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
