He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
