So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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