You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
