There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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