Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
