I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The Olympian is in my bed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
