Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
