i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
